BringBackSmurfRide

I haven't been to Winterfest since '88. I remember when I beloved Smurf ride was the only ride open and I went on it over 20 times. The ice skating in the fountain area still remains as one of my all-time favorite memories of the park. Those were some great times.

I've had my share of rotten service from employees, too. The one I remember most vividly was back in '95 when two Adventure Express operators were screaming at the people next to get on to "Get back!" when the little gate was about to open. Later on, some teenaged King Cobra operator was singing "Happy Birthday" to another operator. At the end of the song, where you can sing "...and many more", he followed it up with "I'll knock your ****** ass off the toilet seat." Boy, he got a big laugh out of it but nobody else was laughing. The person he was singing to, who was black, had this look of shock/annoyance/anger, you name it. Yes, I understand that there are some good people who work the rides, but the ones who are jerks are just showing off when they should be paying attention to the safety of the riders.

In many ways, Kings Island (I outright refuse to call it 'Paramount's' or use the initials 'PKI') jumped the shark when Paramount bought it. The park seemed more magical, if you will, before it became a movie theme park. I never liked any of the rides Paramount set up, except for Flight of Fear. Son of Beast is good, but nowhere near the level of excellence of its "papa". Paramount has failed, year after year, of using their flagship franchise, "Star Trek" as a theme for a ride. This would be a sure fire smash hit with the crowds. I don't know how they'd do it, maybe a mixture of a rollercoaster and a simulator, but I'd die to see it. Instead, they picked the lamest movies as themes for their rides: "Tomb Raider", "Face/Off", "Top Gun" (don't even try to defend that piece of crap), and "Days of Thunder". I mainly stick to the old stuff. I'm a Kings Island geezer.

To me, the most overrated ride is Face/off. I always get stuck looking at some fat chick with cold sores.

Definitely the Smurfs. Just look at my name!

Kings Island is definitely creepy-cool at night. When we were kids, my cousin Matthew and I (that's us in a 1990 photo, me on the left) used to think how cool it would be to get locked in the park after hours (no security guards in our fantasy!). The walkway to White Water Canyon always, always reminds me of Camp Crystal Lake in "Friday the 13th". As far as hauntings go, I do believe that the area around The Beast is haunted because of an incident Matthew and I shared in on July 5, 1996. Matthew and I rode The Beast after sunset, when the sun was just beneath the horizon. We sat in the very back of the train (our habit on every coaster) because of the great speed. Just as we were about to enter the second tunnel, I had an alarming sense of paranoia grip me. I had this overwhelming feeling that someone was right behind me even though, logicially, there couldn't be. I wanted to look back, but I wouldn't. I still don't know why. As the darkness of the tunnel engulfed the train, that odd feeling instantly went away. I can still hear the screaming passengers, which I concentrated on to shake any thoughts of my sudden fear. Now, I didn't ever see anything "supernatural", or whatever, at Kings Island. But when we got off the ride, Matthew looked awful, his skin was as white as a human being could possibly get. I asked him if he was sick from the ride, but he just shook his head, "No." He was dead silent throughout the night and didn't call me for days afterwards. At a birthday party for a mutual cousin, about a month later, Matthew finally opened up to what was troubling him. He asked me if I felt like something was out of place while we were riding The Beast. I was surprised when he asked me because I did, I told him but didn't want to say anything because it might've freaked him out. His eyes got as big as saucers and for a moment, I thought he was going to scream or something. He goes, "Did you see it?" See what, I wondered? "No, what do you mean," I asked. It took Matthew a while to form the words and it was obvios that he felt very uncomfortable talking about whatever was on his mind, whatever "it" was. Finally, he goes: "When we were approaching the second tunnel, I looked to my right and saw a small, red light in the woods. It was going about the same speed as us, like it was trying to keep up. Then, it went out." Now, Matthew and I are as close as brothers and he has never lied to me. And even when he pulls my leg, he just can't help to keep a straight face and he immediately admits when he's joking. But the wide, Chesshire Cat smile that is the dead giveaway to one of his schemes never came in the nine years since. I didn't see what he claims to have seen, but I sure can tell you how I felt at that same time he saw whatever it is he apparently saw. We never again talked with each other about that strange time, but we did go back to Kings Island together two more times afterwards. Both times, he steadfastly refused to go anywhere The Beast, not even towards The Vortex. He told a friend of his the story and that came back to bite him in the butt the last time we were there together. His friend came with us and several others to the park in 1998, but the guy kept heckling him about "seeing The Beast" and trying to pull Matthew in the ride's direction. That led to Matthew having a breakdown and leaving the park around 4:00 PM and never returning again. As creepy as that one incident was, it never chased me away from the park. I only rode The Beast one time since. It was a chore to convince me to ride it, but thank my then-girlfriend, now wife for calming my nerves and riding with me in what would be the funnest Kings Island moment ever. I never screamed louder or harder in my life (and it was the good "fear" this time)! I probably won't ride The Beast again because I don't want to "top" the last time. By the way, if you've ever noticed, the wood from that ride has a distinct smell to it. If I smell wood with the same scent, no matter where I am or what time of day it is, brings me back to the park.