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RingMaster's Zany Zoo Trip


RingMaster
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Mildly Annoyed Rhinoceros is mildly annoyed. Maybe it's from the lack of edible foliage in his immediate vicinity.


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We decided to take a trip to a place that doesn't have any roller coasters or 300 foot tall wind breakers (yet still has plenty of Banshee-like screaming)...


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ERMERGERD. THE ZERR.


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False Advertising: No animals were encountered when we opened up the map.


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Unlike amusement parks that entice children with artificial screaming metal death traps, zoos instead entice children with organic flesh-and-bone death traps. Unless you're Busch Gardens. Then you end up killing two birds with one stone. Or children. Either or.


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No junk in this trunk (that we know of).


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When kids are told Santa doesn't exist, they go to next logical conclusion for how Christmas presents end up under the tree...


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Yeah, I don't think they got the Toys'R'us joke, either. Well, at least they aren't asking for David Schwimmer impressions.


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Empty African Savannah due to construction of new habitats. Still very pretty, though.


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Croquet with the Red Queen, anyone?


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Look, they even have an exhibit for fossilized species!


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I think I hear banjo music, RUN!!!


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For the minutiae Disney detail enthusiasts.


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(continued in next post)


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(continues from post previous)



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Onto Wings of the World. This is one of two areas in the exhibit where there is no glass or netting that separates you from the fowl, so they're just free to rain White Death from above and YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.



(Un)Fortunately, these were closed to allow new arrivals to acclimate to their new surroundings.


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One of my favorite things about Cincy Zoo is the scenic detail and theming they put into the indoor exhibits to rival that of the outdoor ones.


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Little guy wouldn't stop moving for us to get a decent shot.


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The crowd favorite is, of course, the penguin. Because what's cooler than looking like you wear a luxury suit to a swimming pool? NOTHING, that's what.


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While not as large or impressive as the penguin exhibit at Newport Aquarium (let alone the one at Ripley's Aquarium of the Smokies), it gets the job done of showing off our dapper friends to great appeal.


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Seriously, penguins are the awesome.


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Here's the "luxury suit to a swimming pool" bit we mentioned earlier in practice.


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Onto what is my absolute favorite exhibit of the entire zoo.


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This is basically what the old Tomb Raider: The Ride would look like if Paramount had received a massive budget just to theme the ride.


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Oh, yeah, there's also animals in this exhibit, too, if you're into that kinda stuff...


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Editor's Note: That's a real dragonfly.


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Inside the first of two indoor sections of Jungle Trails. You walk on a bridge that makes you feel like you are supposed to be 80-some-odd feet off the ground.


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This enclosure helps sell that illusion.


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More awesome indoor theming.


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The haunted house enthusiast in me (thanks, Dent Schoolhouse, in particular) has me enamored with scenic detail in everything. Like this section. It's a freaking ruined Malaysian temple, inside a building!


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My favorite non-animal shot. Incidentally, that statue's about as happy as I was walking around in here.


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More super cool theming, and this time with ANIMALS in the picture!


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Last shot of the Malaysian temple enclosure.


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(continued in post next)


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Mine?


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MINE!


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Alright, that's enough Finding Nemo jokes. Back to looking at monkeys again.


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THIS. This is seriously the single greatest thing I have ever seen in the history of zoo triping. He literally shakes out the burlap sheet, lays it on the ground, and lounges on it with his back against the wall. Just like a normal human being at the beach. You don't get anymore laid-back than that.


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Now we get to see a black rhinoceros.


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....uhm. I think the zoo keepers might be colorblind.


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The building that houses the second indoor section of Jungle Trails. Good thing this isn't a Disney park or the fanboys would be raging, "GAH IMMERSION RUINED THERE'S NOT ENOUGH FOLIAGE OR BERMS TO COMPLETELY MASK THE UTILITARIAN WAREHOUSES FROM THE LUSH AFRICAN BACKDROPS AND I NEED TO WRITE AN ANGRY LETTER TO THE COMPANY SAYING WALT IS TURNING IN HIS GRAVE FOR THE 136TH TIME THIS DECADE"



Oh, Disney fanboys.


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Must...refrain...from...jokes about...lions...lyin' around...


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"Yeah, you better not."


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Those of you who have never been to Cincy Zoo (and shame on you for not having yet been), this is how close the zoo is to the residential areas. That's Forest Ave. in the background. So it goes:



Animal Enclosure > Fence > Employee Parking Lot > Fence > Street > Houses



Cincy Zoo is completely surrounded by residential housing (and a few stepping stones away from the hospital and UC campus). Surprised there aren't signs posted saying, "WARNING: HITCHHIKERS MAY BE ESCAPED ANIMALS."


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As a special treat, Cincy Zoo managed to book Honey Boo Boo for an exclusive concert tour! Let's go!


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First we have to get past their security personnel.


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"I REQUIRE NEWBORN INFANT HUMANS FOR NOURISHMENT."


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Go touch the butt. I dare you.


(Conflabit, I said I wasn't gonna do more Nemo jokes.)


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So Honey Boo Boo's mom gets on stage as a warm-up act.


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Jillian Michaels would have a heart attack trying to get the manatees to lose weight.


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Moo.


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Artsy-fartsy shot. Although no HDR was involved, so not so much artsy.


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(next post continues in)


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Really enjoying reading this. I really can't get myself to like the zoo - not the Cincinnati Zoo specifically, because it's rated one of the best - but something about staring at animals sitting down or sleeping isn't that exciting to me.

Keep up the report!

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(post previous from continues)



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All you Game of Thrones/How to Train Your Dragons fans should prepare for disappointment.


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Nope, no dragons in here.


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Not a dragon. This is just like watching the first season of GoT.


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Still no dragons, but now I know what a child's nightmare of How to Train Your Dragon looks like in person.


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This is everyone's face whenever something shocking happens in GoT (which is now almost every ten minutes).


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*le sigh*



No dragons anywhere. This is Beastly Kingdom at Animal Kingdom all over again!


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All the other signs have a great display and have their own little niche. This one, not so much. They just plopped it right in the middle of the walkway.


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Stick bug, on top of a stick bug, on top of a stick.



INCEPTION.


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Also under construction: Blacklight Mini Golf! At least this explains why Monster Mini Golf is no more...


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Humans aren't the only species to encounter zombie apocalypses. Here, the ants are fabricating dead piles so they can burn them later. Hopefully their apocalypse went better than season Two of The Walking Dead.


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I just thought this design was cool/amazing.


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The aptly-named Taxicab Beetle. Named because they resemble New York cab traffic at any given time.


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Political correctness be darned, they should at least tell the truth about what gorillas ACTUALLY throw at people.


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You guys ready to see some Cats On A Canyon?


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TA-DA! Cats On A Canyon!



Seriously, another hilariously amazing moment. Two stray kittens sitting atop a rock outcropping outside a cat enclosure. Adorable, yet ironically fitting.


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Good to know the cast of Cougar Town will still have work once the show's over.


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Unamused Tiger is unamused because the stray kittens are getting more attention than he is.


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More random beautiful scenery to bask in.


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Last on our list is the Reptile House.


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The oldest building on the property, and also the oldest zoo building in the nation (the zoo itself is the second oldest, with the Central Park Zoo in NYC being the oldest).


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"WE STILL AWAIT OUR HUMAN YOUNGLINGS AS NOURISHMENT."


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And that does it for the Zany Zoo Trip to the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens!


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Really enjoying reading this. I really can't get myself to like the zoo - not the Cincinnati Zoo specifically, because it's rated one of the best - but something about staring at animals sitting down or sleeping isn't that exciting to me.

Keep up the report!

They're not always sleeping. :P The cats and polar bears are interesting before and after supper time (their supper time not ours) lol

Entertaining trip report btw.

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