A Smurfy Trip to KI

[LongLiveTheSmurfRide]

On Sunday, August 31st at 9 AM, David (known as LongLiveTheSmurfRide), his girlfriend Laura; her brother Tim, Tim’s wife Amanda and their friend Scott went on a most excellent adventure. They traveled to Kings Island; a fabulous wonderland of thrills and excitement. Along the way they encountered his royal majesty The Burger King who invited them to join him for some breakfast. Being that they were in most urgent need of haste, the King packed their breakfast in magical satchels for the road which they enjoyed along the way.

Upon arriving at the park, they were honored to be ushered to the most royal of parking arrangements, the Gold Pass Parking section. Oooooooo…fascinating. On their way to the front gate, Tim tossed the satchel from his royal highness, The Burger King, into the nearest trash receptacle; which as we’ll see later in the tale was not a very wise choice.

Moving on, the party was well met at the gate by security whom promptly let them pass, seeing as how neither party member was packing any sort of “heat”. They noticed to their right, upon entering, a very ominous graveyard-like scene which lead them to believe that the park may enter a period of fear and darkness in the near future, but our band of happy-go-lucky patrons did not concern themselves with such…um…concerns, so on they went to battle the Firehawk.

They waited in line to face the hawk of fire for approximately 50 minutes and when they finally encountered it, they hopped upon its back and had a merry flight, most of which was epic in nature. Tales of that fateful ride will be told for centuries to come and have already hence been scribed into legend.

Next the party of 5, as you will, met with such challenges as the Zephyr and Shake Rattle and Roll, which did not do as much shaking or rattling as it did rolling. Afterwards they ventured forth to get some much needed lunch in the style of pizza. AH YES! PIZZA! The meal of kings. And the cost of such a meal was surely a king’s ransom, setting David back $22 for a whole pie which scarcely fed his companions.

Ah, hungered and quite weary from the scorching sun, our band of travelers made it to the Kings Island Theater to see The Brady’s. A once noble squire, Greg Brady, pranced around the stage singing songs of years gone by to a crowd of happy onlookers. Great interest was shown by the party when the Brady’s answered questions from the crowd about different aspects of their lives and filming, but it was over all too quickly. David was not pleased with the performance and wished the show was more about the crowd interaction and less about Las Vegas-style singing.

Hope for adventure lifted their spirits again as they were told about a certain haunted castle and, of course, they went to investigate. I wish I could say that everything turned out fine inside that castle, but it was a ghastly gruesome scene when the 5 of them left it. Ghost entrails were strewn about the walls and floor after they blasted the castle clean of all inhabitants.

Then word spread across the park of a hideous Beast. And so 3 of the bravest and most pure of heart stepped forward to meet the challenge. So David, Laura and Scott ventured forth into the wooden maze of its lair. The 3 of them took seat in the first car with Scott alone in the middle seat and David and Laura behind him. Soon David and Laura felt the wrath of The Beast as they were thrown about their carriage in obvious pain and misery. Scott, unsurprisingly, left unscathed. David, however, vowed never to take that dreadful seat again and he shook his fist in defiance!

At this point they were weary and parched and felt the only thing left to do was race. So they went to The Racers and had themselves a race the likes this world has never seen before, and will likely never see again.

Red won.

So they left the park, but before their final departure, David and Laura stopped by the ticket booth to purchase a season pass for next year which the attendant was more than happy to offer them. Truly, there will be adventures ahead for the group as they heard rumors of a serpent the likes that have never been seen on the Island of Kings.

BUT, before the tale ends, it must be noted that a most foul and hideous occurrence happened before they were able to escape the island. Once they reached their noble steed, the Saturn Ion, Tim discovered that his magical messaging device, his cell phone, was missing! Gasp! Horror! We searched the steed inside and out and found no trace. But then Tim came upon a brilliant idea. Perhaps he had dropped it into Burger King’s satchel before he’d thown it away. “Folly!” David gasped. Tim and his faithful wife, Amanda, found the waste receptacle in question and rummaged through the murk and the mire. Various deeds done there will not be spoken aloud here, but suffice it for me to say, it was nasty!

But in the end, they were victorious and found the satchel and inside found the device though it was soiled and may never work again, but that is for another tale.

Alas, through glory and horror, through victory and defeat, through heroics and…eh….trash picking; these 5 brave souls made it on and off the island with relatively little damage done to them, but with great multitudes of tales to be told for generations to come. One can only wonder what adventures await David and Laura when they travel back to the park in October.

[Ashers]

Best.Trip.Report.Ever.

~Ash

[MarketingExpress]

I don't know what to be more taken back by....

The fact that you were able to write your trip report the way you did with such elegance.

or

The fact that the trash can had not been emptied all day.

[markalan]

A most excellent trip report. I was thoroughly entertained.

[LongLiveTheSmurfRide]

I don't know what to be more taken back by....

The fact that you were able to write your trip report the way you did with such elegance.

or

The fact that the trash can had not been emptied all day.

Yeah, it was all together a pretty unremarkable trip when it's all said and done, so I figured I'd spice it up a bit.

We got back to the car close to 6:30 and the can that he'd thrown his stuff away in by Gold parking sign 52, I think it was, was overflowing. I was like, "No way you're going through that." But they did, and of course their bag was near the bottom. I thought there was no chance they were going to find it since I figured it was probably emptied at least once. There were even 3 hospital bags (probably feeding bags of some type) in there with tubes attached. I didn't let them touch the doors to my car when they were done. We went straight to McDonnalds and they sanitized themselves...by bathing in the kitchen sinks. hehe, just kidding, but yeah, that was a pretty nasty way to end the day.

I guess the biggest question was, why would he throw his cell in a burger king bag to begin with? He said it was between his legs on the floor of the car and he also had a bag he was going to carry their waters and stuff with. He assumes he must have tried to drop it in the carrying bag and it fell in the BK "satchel". Good times.

[Beast1979]

That was an awesome TR, way to keep me smiling throughout the entire thing!

[LongLiveTheSmurfRide]

Here are some pics from the trip. They're from my phone so the quality isn't great.

Here's my first glimpse at Diamondback in person. Supports are a lot larger than they look on the web cam.

Laura and Squidward.

Laura's brother Tim with some weirdo's. There were pumpkin-head people all over the Nickland which was kind of cool. Can't wait for the Haunt.

It's a Brady. I seriously thought the singing was a bit much and wish Greg...er...Barry would have canned half the songs so that there could have been 10 more minutes of Q&A which was much more entertaining.

One day the Smurfs will conquer this castle for their own.

Laura won this lion for a quarter at the Roller Bowler game by The Beast. Best value game in the park. We promptly named him Hobbs and he promptly grew hundreds of feet tall and terrorized the country side.

[The Interpreter]

Excellent. You should write a book. People would buy it! I swan they would...

[indianapolisman]

Most honorable report young sire, I will return word to my lord.

[fanofki]

A great trip report. I don't care how boring your trips are, as long as you keep writing reports like this one.