KI Offering Mayor Mallory Free Lifetime Bumper Car Rides

[Oldiesmann]

http://www.derfmagazine.com/news/politics/kings-island-mallory-bumper-car--rides

In response to the controversy over Mayor Mark Mallory’s car allowance, area amusement park Kings Island has offered the mayor a free lifetime pass for the park’s bumper cars.

“We’ll be sending Mayor Mallory the pass this week,” said Kings Island spokesman Katie Helkle. “They allow him free access to the bumper cars and also allow him a free pass to the front of the line. We are open to negotiation on allowing him free access to the log flume as well.”

Mayor Mallory was touched by the offer, but not sure if he would take advantage of it. “Kings Island is a wonderful asset to our region, and I understand operating a bumper car is easier than throwing a baseball so it should be safe option for me.” he said. “However, unless I can have access to a street legal bumper car, preferably with leather seats and room for my body guard, I’m not sure I will take them up on it.”

Kings Island officials were sure to note that Mayor Mallory would not be allowed special access to any of the park’s roller coasters. “It is widely known that Mark Mallory has a sensitive stomach,” said CEO David Van Horn. “We would not want to subject our guests to any undue regurgitation that may occur if he were to ride anything more hardcore than the bumper cars.”

I don't know if this is a joke or if the park is serious about this, but it's still funny.

(Note: For those not familiar with the whole "car allowance" thing, see http://www.wcpo.com/dpp/news/local_news/car-%26-health-premium-payments-stopped-for-cincinnati-mayor-).

[jdawg1998]

Yes, this is definitley a joke, especially from this line:

Kings Island officials were sure to note that Mayor Mallory would not be allowed special access to any of the park’s roller coasters. “It is widely known that Mark Mallory has a sensitive stomach,” said CEO David Van Horn. “We would not want to subject our guests to any undue regurgitation that may occur if he were to ride anything more hardcore than the bumper cars.”

[XGatorHead 8904]

It is a joke. Derf Magazine is a satire site, similar to The Onion. If you're not familiar with the site, a big clue would be that Katie Helkle and David Van Horn are not the names of the park's spokesman & CEO, as well as taking a look at some of the other headlines that appear on the page.