In my Tennessee Mountain Park... Dollywood Trip Report

[Shaggy]

Hey Dolly, what’s you’re favorite color?

Dolly: Ms. Clairol #319.

Hey Dolly, are you offended by dumb blonde jokes?

Dolly: No, because I know I’m not dumb. And I ain’t blonde either.

Hey Dolly, do you support women’s lib?

Dolly: Why sure, as a matter of fact I was the first woman to burn her bra. Last I heard they were still trying to put the fire out!

I just love Dolly.

I wish the world were full of Dollys.

That’s because Dolly is not full of herself. Neither is her namesake park. To the novice, Dollywood would seem ripe for an over-the-top romp into the colorful mind of Mrs. Parton. Imagine rides like “The Jolene Jump 2.” Or the “Islands in the Stream Log Flume.” How about the “Coaster of many colors?” Nah.

Actually, Dolly herself is a very small part of the charm that makes up Dollywood. Sure there are those special Dolly touches like false butterflies scattered here and there. But as a whole, the park does not rely on the spectacle herself. Rather it relies on the charm, beauty and life that is Tennessee.

Officially, my visit last week was my second time at the park. But in theory it was my first *true* visit. How so? Well, I had attended about 4 years ago as a part of the Christmas Festival. Sure, then I was able to ride the Tennessee Tornado and Blazing Fury, but little else was open. The focus during that time of the year is placed on the Holiday than the base park itself.

Since then, the park has nearly doubled its size. Mostly with the addition of Timber Canyon and the much needed access path that now forms a park loop. They’ve added 3 coasters, and several flat rides. All the while maintaining and actually improving the general atmosphere of the already good park.

Dollywood easily fits into my upper tier of favorite parks. Its setting is magnificent. It’s a friendly and fun atmosphere. It’s impeccably clean. It stays true to its origin. It offers something for everyone. But most notably, it has what I call “the Disney trick.” Basically, that’s when a park is so enchanting and so-family friendly that persons who would normally balk at riding a coaster, or thrill ride, hop on with little concerns. It’s almost as though the perception is “Well, if Dolly has her name on it, then it must be fun and safe.”

I guarantee you that if Thunderhead, or Mystery Mine were built at say, Cedar Point, not even half the kids or elder adults would ride it compared to those that do at Dollywood. Now, that’s a good thing, and a bad thing I suppose. It’s a good thing IMO; because it truly exemplifies what I have always said life should be about, pure un-adulterated fun with few limitations. But I would suspect some enthusiasts may see it as nothing more than longer waits with inexperienced riders. I personally don’t see it that way. I waited for every ride… patiently, on a relatively busy day. But I didn’t mind one bit, as the persons that were attending were a part of the charm in the park itself.

Trying to explain Dollywood to someone that’s not been there is sort of futile. It’s like trying to explain how air feels. It’s just nice, refreshing, fun and exciting all together. People just seemed happy. I like that. With each passing day, that’s what I look for more and more. I adore the fact that you are greeted with “We’re so happy you came to Dollywood today!” It’s catchy. I smiled when I heard it, and I carried that smile all day.

Funny that. I think I’ve moved far beyond the days of the next biggest and best thing. I’ve settled into more of a stop and smell the roses attitude that comes on stronger season after season. That having been said, I will describe for you my personal feelings on the various attractions at the park. I’ll leave them in random order since, quite frankly, I have not the time, nor patience to try and recollect every step I took.

I loved Timber Canyon. It’s very well done, with terrific theming that sets it apart from the rest of the park, but stays within the overall mountain theme. As I said, it has transformed a cumbersome, oddly shaped layout into a much more visitor friendly loop. Over time, it will no doubt become as packed with attractions as the older portions of the park. But all in due time. They certainly have the space now. And they obviously have the foresight, as the area has an obvious developmental direction.

Thunderhead suits the park to a “T.” It’s a GCI masterpiece that makes smart use of its geography, topography, and surroundings to complete the rush element. This coaster was my first of the year, and provided that much needed tickle in my belly I have missed for so long. Again, I’ll not bore you… or me… with detailing every twist or turn. Actually I don’t think I could recall the layout if I wanted to. All I’ll say is that it was easily one of the best wooden coasters I’ve ridden. By my second ride (as I left the park) it had taken my #1 spot. RIP Legend.

Timber Tower is, okay. It’s just as temperamental as others have said. No wonder it has so much down time, after all, there sure is a lot going on. A rotating ring of seats that rise upward. Then while revolving, the tower tips back and forth nearing water geysers and a roaring bear cave. (Hmmmmm…. ;-) I am glad I rode it, albeit once, but I don’t know if I’d wait it out again. It screams of “Quake” at SFKK. What I mean is, it looks much more fun to watch than to ride. I can’t imagine it would be a long term ride.

Tennessee Tornado still remains the best Arrow multi-looper to date. The first drop rivals Vortex at KI and Loch Ness at BGW as being the best stomach drop on an Arrow. There’s nary one head bang. And although short, it’s a re-ride no matter. I think it got 3 rides out of me. High capacity and fun. Ride in the back.

Blazing Fury had a wait for sure. But it’s worth it to see the “pleasantly plump” animatronic figure warning her animatronic beau that she’s “Gonna jump” from the burning porch roof into his scrawny arms below. Then of course, there’s the “Fire in the Hole” finale. It’s a huge step back in time when you ride this. It’s like the mountain ride at KBF… or the Haunted Mansion at Knoebles. Cheesy for sure, but you just can’t resist it.

Daredevil Falls has the most picturesque drop on any flume I have ever seen… and that includes Splash Mountain. Well done, and fun. I got a little wet, but not bad. And get this… I rode alone, no one else in the boat. It’s almost as though people didn’t know it was there.

When you see the sign on Slidewinder that says “You may get wet” believe it. I go soaked, actually my sweatshirt and jeans did. Not my idea of fun on a semi-warm spring day. Good thing I jog regularly too, that hike to the station practically needs a chair lift! This one I could not ride alone… they require at least 3 people in a boat I think.

Cute is not descriptive enough to describe the New-for-2008 attraction “River Battle.” It’s beyond cute. Although I didn’t ride, there were people willing to brave the chill to try it out. I could have watched it for hours; it’s like watching the squirting elephant at KI… or the Rainmaker show at BGW. It’s just fun to see innocent bystanders get doused. ;-)

Hmmmm, what else was there? Oh yeah, I rode the Disco… but couldn’t get out of Veggietown, or whatever the kids area is called, quickly enough. It was mobbed. No, not mobbed. MOBBED. I rode the motion simulator, but now there some awful movie in there themed to a gangster chase on Thunder Road. Ick. What happened to the terrific movie they had featuring Dolly and the inventor that flew in a flying machine? That was a hoot… with one of the best lines ever, Dolly screaming “SlooooOOOW Down! You’ll blow my wig off!” Tsk, tsk, Dollywood. Bring it back.

I skipped shows… they are mostly international shows this year, and the one show I wanted to see “Kinfolk” was down for the day. But I love “Heartsong” so it was a must do for me. It tugs at my heart (imagine that) as it embraces the beauty that lies in the Tennessee Smokey Mountains to the tune of some of Dolly’s most catchy songs with some “surprises” along the way. It sure served its purpose. Heck, I spent all weekend singing “Play a song for me Apple Jack, Apple Jack” to anyone who dared come around me. No joke.

So what am I forgetting?

Where I ate? Boring.

What souvenirs I bought? Yawn.

How I was stoked to see the costumes from 9 to 5? (My all-time favorite comedy) Embarrassing!

How I got misty when I saw the actual “Coat of many colors?” Awwww!

Oh yeah… Mystery Mine. Hmmm… what to say? It was fun. It was shorter than I expected. The inline twists and fallout loop at the end was much better than I thought they’d be. The wait was long, but the “surprises” mid-way through the attraction made it worthwhile. It was jarring. It rattled my head around like the Arrow at the back of the park *should have.* I thought about a re-ride late in the day, but opted for Thunderhead instead. It’s a good addition, IMO because it fits the park PERFECTLY. Oh and it sure draws interest. It’s a visual masterpiece. I think I took about 20 shots of it. (With my brand-new-high-tech Olympus FE-340, 8 Megapixel Digital camera with 5x Optical Zoom and Video? Can you tell I am proud?)

What else can I say about MM? Oh, I kept thinking about how it would have fit Rivertown at KI perfectly. (It was originally conceived for KI who abandoned the project when the rights to its concept theme of “Addams Family” fell through.) But I also thought about how it is much better off at a park that actually cares about the upkeep of its theming elements. By this time, no effect would have been operable at KI. And yes, that’s a slap.

So there you have it. My day with Dolly was a success. I hope there will be many more special days with Dolly in my future. But in the meantime, I hope life treats you real kind. I hope that you have all you ever dreamed of. I wish you joy, and happiness… but above all this, I wish you…

You know the rest.

Shaggy

*Side bar* - This visit to Dollywood came on the heels of a week spent in a mountain top cabin outside of Pigeon Forge. The evening prior was spent at Dixie Stampede (OMG how fun is that! Who knew?!) It was followed with a hike through the Smokies, the most beautiful place I have ever seen. If I may be so bold, I advise each of you that as you visit parks this season, take the time to visit the surroundings. I’ve never discovered anything new about myself while riding a coaster. I learn all sorts of things about myself when I am surrounded by nature.

[The Interpreter]

What a wonderful trip report! Thanks, Shaggy, for explaining to so many others what is so delightful about Dollywood. Each year, I take my Mom there during the Christmas season. I ride little or nothing on those trips, and look forward to them greatly.

Dollywood IS special. And how. Your words do it justice....very well said.

[Avatar]

Wow – it really sounds like you had a great time on your vacation, thrilling as well as relaxing. Usually really long trip reports without pictures lose my attention half way through the report, but yours was well written and I enjoyed the read. You explained what you did and what you enjoyed all the while describing and giving me a taste of what the roses smell like around Dollywood (I enjoy that too). We have thought that we should cut back one week of Disney this year and go to Dollywood this summer or during Christmas break your report could have not come at a better time for us as we are still debating.

If you feel up to it and like to share I would love to see some pictures/video you took with your new camera (since you’re so proud).

Thanks for taking the time to write your report.

[WooferBearATL]

Shaggy, that is hands down the best trip report that I've ever read.

In fact, it's probably one of the best articles on travel that I've ever read in any form of journalism.

I'm just sitting here and it gave me goose bumps how well written it was.

All I can really say is, thanks for sharing.

<Seriously>

[Shaggy]

Thanks guys, I appreciate that tremendously. It's easy to write well about something that left a great impression.

Shaggy

[BoddaH1994]

I'll have to chalk Dollywood up on my "to do" list. Then again, the only two parks that were on that list that I've made it out to were Kennywood and Cedar Point.

[Browntggrr]

That really was a great TR.

I could almost *hear* the enthusiasim in your voice.

Will you be posting the pics?