RingMaster

That wasn't the real Satan. It was a guy in a costume. The real Satan is very busy this time of year. Yeah, hopefully he'll off the Kardashians, Justin Bieber, and Ke$ha like I asked for in my Wish List I sent to him a week ago. So far, though, my lists have gone unanswered, and I think he screwed up my order and 86'ed Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, and Patrick Swayze, when I specifically asked for Lil' Wayne, Jason Friedburg & Adam Seltzer, and Heidi Montag (more notably, the entire cast of The Hills).

I have one thing to say and I'll shut up on this particular matter. RaptorGuy, you really should go to Dead Acres up in Columbus. There are things far, far, FAR WORSE at that haunt that make our Haunt look like Coney Island's Fall-O-Ween Festival. But I agree with you on toning it down a bit, at least on the blood and gore aspect of the event. Not every house has to have buckets of blood splattered all over the walls or mangled corpses strewn about the place (technically, CarnEVIL is the only haunt that has no blood/gore). If anything, do a more suspenseful and creepy house and prey upon more primal fears like spiders or dolls, or even do a haunted house based on the the holiday itself (like Universal did a few years back with The Hallow at Halloween Horror Nights). I also think they too should cut the number of mazes down a bit, as they have too few actors for too many houses. Just go back down to 6 or 8 houses and spread them throughout the whole park. That way, they can be adequately staffed, and they can be better-themed than before now that there are fewer mazes. It doesn't make any sense to add one new maze in a new location each year while letting everything else rot (no pun intended).

You honestly do not know how hard I laughed at that.

Well, considering the incident that happened with Xcelerator was just over a year ago, I'm surprised they haven't closed every coaster in the park yet after this situation with Pony Express.

Actually, if I'm not mistaken, that wasn't Cedar Fair that did Holiday Horror; I believe that was an in-house gag done because Cedar Fair was the one that canceled Winterfest in the first place. Besides, if it was Cedar Fair that did it, Holiday Horror would've remained up the entire event and possibly for a second season, seeing as how they like to proudly declare that nothing is off limits.

Yes, a 300-foot-tall Zephyr that costs $5 million is a real great, reasonably-priced attraction.

I'm sorry but, have you ever been to one of these events?!?! I went to BOTH last year. Halloween Horror nights I went to several times. Don't go to extremes?! Have you been in Meets Meats?! Have you seen their scare zones?! There's a reason why universal is considered such a good halloween attraction. It's because they DO take it to extremes. In their case it's totally justifyable because they're a destination park not a regional park. People go out of their way to plan a trip around Horror nights because of how extreme it is. They sell shots of alcohol in the lines for their haunts. They sell alcohol in blood bags, test tubes, syringes, and more. All of which are being sold by dead nurses and dead prostitutes depending on the area of the park. The Busch parks are no different. Extremely graphic. I'm not saying any of it is wrong; clearly, I went several times. But I definitely disagree with what you're saying. Except with Universal, not every house is dedicated to blood and gore. Usually, one house is solely devoted to being the "gore house", and the rest have small amounts of it or pale to that particular maze. The house in question you brought up, Leave It To Cleaver, was the gore house that year, and that particular location (the Earthquake/Disaster extended queue) usually houses the gory, bloody houses (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Doomsday, RUN Hostile Territory, and this year's Zombiegeddon, just to name a few). And Universal's Halloween Horror Nights is not considered a good event simply because they take it to extremes. They're good because they create groundbreaking haunted houses. They make environments feel real and they can put you into the world they have created for you. And they also create characters and icons that can truly scare the living daylights out of you (Bloody Mary is my personal fave).

I wasn't too terribly impressed with the show, but I didn't think it was unwatchable. It felt more like a one-time deal as it doesn't require multiple viewings. What I hated about it was the fact that the rest of the event suffered because of it. I counted five roaming monsters for THE WHOLE PARK, little to no outside theming for the three so-called "scare zones" (Action Zone/Wasteland, Coney Mall/Maul, and Rivertown/Ghost Town), and several of the attractions are beginning to show wear and tear from years of abuse. Not to mention a lot of the actors in a lot of the mazes I went through (only went through the indoor houses) were not into their roles at all, and this was supposed to be the weekend to where they finally got into the act and started being scary.

I'll have a much longer review posted later on, and I didn't get through any of the outdoor haunts, so here's my quickie score for the seven indoor attractions. For those of you who read my SCREAMPARK trip report should know my rating scale, but for those of you who don't, the basic 1-5 rank applies here, but with new names (Axe, Knife, Startle, Shriek, and Scream from 1-5): CarnEVIL - Startle - They FINALLY got rid of the annoying soundtrack that's been there since 2001. Also, the actors here are much more into their roles than previous years. Still, same exact layout and nothing is new here, although them not charging for the 3D glasses is a shock to me considering Boo Blasters is right next door and charges for them (and Knott's Berry Farm charges for their 3D haunts. Urgent Scare - Startle - Still beautiful as ever and as scary as ever. The one major problem here is the photo op. Last year it was at the front of the maze in the receptionist office; this year it is at the very end of the maze. No air cannon or anything. Just a simple photo op in front of a green screen that you HAVE to do. Unlike Wolf Pack where it's in the queue line and it's optional, here it's at the very end of the maze and it's mandatory. This one caveat almost made me give the maze a Knife, but thankfully the rest of the attraction more than makes up for it. Still, Kings Island, stop doing this. Give the people a CHOICE on the photo op and don't FORCE them to do it. Also, pull a Wolf Pack and have it in the QUEUE LINE, NOT IN THE MAZE ITSELF. Death Row - Axe - Horrendous. Simply horrendous. To have girls from Club Blood in a maze such as Death Row is one of the worst decisions ever made. They can't or won't scare people and just stand there, or worse, hide from everyone. Also a joke, and kind of a bit racist in some regards, is the inclusion of black girls in the maze, of which they make up a primarily large portion of the maze inhabitants. I don't know which is worse, the fact that they too don't or can't scare, or the fact that they were thrown in there as some sort of racism joke. Those of you who know me personally should know this is the biggest shock if something like THIS can offend me. Massacre Manor - Startle - A decidedly average attraction. Nothing here too terribly exciting about it, except that the talent here are very much on fire here, and very acrobatic as well. Still don't understand why there is a room covered in blood smack dab in the middle of the maze, unless it's meant to parody The Shining with the flashes to a bloody room to indicate a trek into madness. Also, they need to better tell the story of Emily's descent into madness rather than just have pictures up on the wall. Slaughterhouse - Startle - Still a cobbled-together mess of blood and disjointed rooms. At least the opening room is much, much brighter than last year. The talent is just as awesome as they were last year, sometimes better than before. The second half still needs a major overhaul as it still makes no sense. Also, the car effect needs a reworking as well; it's still set on its own timer and is always too late or too early. Oh, and its horn goes on for FAR TOO LONG. Club Blood - Knife - I believe the sex appeal is starting to wear out for me, because I've now grown tired of this maze. The talent is similar to Death Row as they simply just stand there and look pretty (maybe because several women from the Club were thrown on Death Row), but compared to its hairier brethren next door, they simply lack in the scaring department. Also, a majority of the wall panels are beginning to crack and show wear and tear. Perhaps the money that went to Half-Pint Brawlers should've gone towards upkeep for the rest of the attractions at the Haunt. At least they got a new sign out front... Wolf Pack - Startle - Similar to Club Blood as a majority of the monsters just stand there and aren't particularly scary. Maybe it's also due to the fact that half of the so-called "werewolves" are simply shirtless dalmatians and look so out of place with the maze. Which looks absolutely GORGEOUS. Trust me when I say that at times you won't believe you are in a regular building and are in the middle of a real forest. Thanks Knott's Berry Farm for providing the scenics (and the amazing logo out front) for Kings Island to use for this haunt! Still, the only actual werewolves that are actors are the two at both the beginning and end of the haunt (DON MCCLOUD'S BACK!!!!1!!11), and the last monster actually resembles more of the Wolfman from the recent remake.

Entry-Level Haunts (this is based off last year as I haven't gone yet this season): Cut-Throat Cove - More fun and open than scary and claustrophobic. The talent are really, REALLY into their roles, so much so that they are less of a monster and more of a professional pirate/wench actor. Also a shorter maze compared to a majority of the others. Cemetery Drive - Both dark and bright at the same time. This is essentially a warm-up before taking on the monstrosity that is the Trail of Terror. Monsters here are of the zombie variety, so they are a bit slower and less jumpy than other attractions, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you're not a fan of fog, try going through when there's a breeze coming in; the slightest gust will carry away the fog and everything will be out in the open. cornSTALKERS - Same rule with the fog from Cemetery Drive applies here, but to even greater (or worse) effect; this mazes relies solely on fog as there isn't much in terms of scenery to carry on the scares. Also a bit bright as it sits smack dab in the middle of Action Zone and the entrance and exit lie right next to two bright attractions (Drop Tower & Invertigo). Still, do not underestimate the men in ghillie suits; they are a force to be reckoned with if you're not careful when standing next to the rows of corn. Tombstone Terrortory - Combination of a train ride and a walk-through attraction. The maze is nothing but just walking around crates and boxes and playing the Guessing Game as to which crate has a monster hiding behind it. Still, it's a cowboy-themed maze, and the talent are really good despite not having any help from their surroundings.

I'll bring up something that I don't think has been discussed here yet. My first trek to the Haunt is this Friday, but I've already heard horror stories about the lack of talent in both the mazes and out on the streets. I've also heard about the supposed "cheap" look to Wolf Pack what with "fingerpainted" walls and shirtless guys with glued-on hair. My take is that a vast majority of money went towards booking the Half-Pint Brawlers for almost the entire event, leaving little cash funds available for the rest of the event. It's just a hunch, and I have yet to actually go up there, so don't take it as factual information from me.

Maybe a crossed-out 2010 death date on Mean Streak's stone implying they thought the fire would burn the whole thing down.

Ah, okay. Come to think of it, as many times as I've gone through it, they've never actually chased people out to where the monsters are actually out of the maze. Or maybe it's because the groups I'm in always bolt out on their own accord and I just stand there shaking my head in disbelief.

Please do not tell me they got rid of the chainsaw finale at the end of Trail of Terror.

I meant to post this last night, but I about dozed off a quarter of the way through and decided to put it off til now. Oh well. Anyway, yes, Haunting season has officially begun with the opening of the Halloween Haunt at Kings Island. But, for me, it actually began a mere 24 hours prior and 100 miles down south in the wee little town of Lexington, Kentucky. I am of course talking about SCREAMPARK. For those of you who remember a poster by the nametag Hauntguy, Tyler Barnett set out to create his own haunted event and came up with said haunt in the fall of last year. Three mazes are in the lineup - The Abyss, Insanity: Chaos Attraction, and Castle of Fear - and there are even special roamers that stalk guests as they wait in line. I unfortunately was not able to attend the grand opening in 2009, but I more than made up for it by going this year with some old friends from our very own Haunt and my "Haunt Mommy" Karen. Tucked away behind two bars in a warehouse lies the entrance to SCREAMPARK; posters line the wall detailing the three haunts as well as the two icons of the event - Accumulus Souls and Barnibas Rynes. Barnibas is a classy swine with a top hat and an eye for evil. Accumulus, on the other hand, is a silent, towering behemoth who carries a lantern and a pocketful of souls. Other roaming monstrosities include two creepers, or sliders, if you will (new for this year), and a massive free-roaming beast simply dubbed "Karen." Now onto the reviews. When it comes to reviewing haunted houses I use the simple 1-5 scale, albeit with different names: SCREAM - (5/5) - Excellent. Cannot be missed. SHRIEK - (4/5) - Great. Some minor flaws that keep it from being a perfect attraction. STARTLE - (3/5) - Good. Also decidedly average. Nothing groundbreaking or particularly noteworthy, but still a good attraction. KNIFE - (2/5) - Bad. One or two things might be good in here, but the flaws drag the house down to the ground. AXE - (1/5) - Horrible. Avoid at all costs. Nothing redeeming can be rescued from this wreckage of a house. THE ABYSS Rating: STARTLE This is essentially your dark house to where you're seemingly left to fend off whatever is lurking out in the darkness. Think the dark room that used to be in Massacre Manor (now the nondescript Blood Room), but quantified to be its own attraction. People with a fear of the dark will be absolutely TERRIFIED in here. The monsters use the darkness to their advantage and pounce very quickly. They have small flashlights so as they can give off a quick flash for that added scare. Air cannons are also a big player here as they are both unexpected and effective. Save for a finale where you traverse the inflatable wall gag (like in Slaughterhouse's finale as if you're being herded like cattle), not much is there in the maze itself that is a particular wow moment. However, that isn't really an issue considering it's supposed to be a pitch black maze; the robbing of the guests' sense of sight and the fear of the dark/unknown is the main star here. Compared to the other two mazes offered at SCREAMPARK, this is definitely the weakest of the three, but that doesn't mean it's a bad maze. It's still worth a shot through, but I suggest hitting this one up first. INSANITY: HOSPITAL FOR THE INSANE Rating: SCREAM Let's get this out of the way right now: Insanity is Death Row with portions of Urgent Scare mixed in. Okay, that said, INSANITY is still one of the best houses I've ever been through and pretty much curbstomps Death Row to a bloody pulp (especially now since most, if not all, of the original talent has fled the prison). Insanity is a trek through an insane asylum where the patients are running amok and no staff are anywhere to be found. Yes, I know that sounds generic and overly cliche, but the maze itself more than makes up for the lack of a full-fledged, in-depth storyline the likes of Halloween Horror Nights (Floridites and Haunt buffs will know what I'm talking about, hopefully). For starters, only two parts of the maze actually resemble Death Row, which are a series of chain-link mazes and strobe lights. However, they are relatively short (particularly the second part) and are not the centerpiece of the attraction. Unlike DR, several scenes are placed into the mix to make you believe this is a real asylum of sorts. A security station, management office, and storage facility serve as key locations to the attraction, and aren't filled with strobes, so you can kind of relax a bit and take in the scenery. Seriously, there actually is quite a bit of stuff to view in these rooms, as they are highly detailed and rival that of a Hollywood movie set. There are several special effect sequences in here that are particularly noteworthy. One is a machine gun air cannon in the second chain-link maze that is incredible and gets people every time. Another is the always classic spinning tunnel, which, at first, seems to be completely out of place in an attraction such as this, but it dawns on you that you're meant to be spiraling out of control and into insanity, which is a spectacular idea! One of the best effects, however, is a special door that has a film play in the window of one of the patients wielding an axe attempting to break through the door. At first glance it doesn't seem too thrilling as she breaks the glass and it may look a little fake, but as she begins taking the axe to the door, markings actually appear in the door itself, as if someone really IS hacking their way through. It is a simply amazing effect. One thing that would make it even better is that the effect sits next to a large window with security equipment, and it would've been a real treat to have an actor dressed just like the girl in the video pop out for an even bigger scare. Speaking of actors, there are a TON of them in Insanity, and they are all on fire even if it is just Opening Night. They know their surroundings perfectly and actually had us going in circles in the first chain-link portion of the maze, Kudos to them! Oh, and before I forget, I can't write a review for this maze without talking about the bathroom. Yes, one of the scenes involves walking through a devilishly disgusting bathroom with fecal matter and vomit splattered everywhere. And, yes, it smells like the real thing. Let me repeat that for you: IT SMELLS LIKE THE REAL THING. Tyler and his crew were actually able to pump out SMELLS in this haunt, and it worked to an AMAZING effect (again, Floridites and Haunt fans in general should remember an HHN maze dubbed Psychoscareapy that utilized this same effect back in 2006). Excellent, excellent job on their part, and my second favorite maze of SCREAMPARK. CASTLE OF FEAR Rating: SCREAM I saved the best one for last. I did not think it would be possible to top Insanity in terms of set design, effects, and whatnot, but Castle of Fear managed to trump even that, in my opinion. This attraction is simply a walk through a seemingly abandoned castle that turns out to be home to a cacophony of carnivorous creatures. While The Abyss was simply pitch black and Insanity was bright and chaotic, Castle or Fear is a mixture of the two, blending in dark corridors with atmospheric lighting to give the maze that very eerie feel to it. It's also a quiet maze as there aren't that many actors in here and they are nowhere near as noisy or crazy as their asylum brethren next door. You would think that not having enough talent in a maze like this would be a problem, but on the contrary; it works here to full extent as it really feels cold and empty and uninviting. The set design here is second to none, and pretty much surpasses everything Kings Island has done with the Haunt (even beating out Urgent Scare as the most beautiful haunt). Just the first hallway you enter is wonderfully detailed with statues, columns, and a slight amount of fog to creep you out. It only gets better from there. The most striking setpiece, however, happens at the halfway point where you exit out of a dark passageway and into a massive, and I mean MASSIVE, forest and graveyard scene. The sheer size of this one room is astounding, and I believe the entirety of The Abyss could fit inside here! This is what essentially won me over and made Castle of Fear my most favorite attraction EVER. You actually get to walk on a bridge and walk THROUGH this brilliantly-designed scene, and it really does feel as if you've stepped outside. (One thing to note here as well is the fact that it is quiet in this portion as well, which is quite a shock as Insanity sits ten feet away.) From that scene, we step into a mausoleum that could be a separate maze in and of itself, and is also brilliantly designed. Catacombs abound here, and a really great effect should have been used here with the skeletons resting in the holes; it would've been awesome to have an actor grab at your ankles as you assume it's just another prop. That said, though, it's still breathtaking to walk through the attraction, and is definitely worth going through again and again and again. Truly spectacular work! SCREAMPARK is an amazing haunt and should not be missed should you take the trip down to Lexington anytime soon. Most excellent job, Tyler!! Tickets: $16.00 General Admission; $25.00 VIP ScreamPass (front-of-the-line access); $50.00 Behind-The-Scenes ScreamPass (lights-on tour of SCREAMPARK, limited to 10 people per tour and starts at 5pm Operating Hours: 7pm-1am (Fridays & Saturdays); 7pm-10pm (Thursdays & Sundays) Operating Calendar: September 23rd-26th, September 30th-October 3rd, October 7th-10th, October 14th-17th, October 21st-24th, October 28th-31st Website: http://www.scarylexington.com

^ That's the exact same thought that popped into my head. Wolf Pack looks interesting from the few pictures on the article about $10 ringside seats (http://cincinnati.metromix.com/events/article/midget-wrestling-comes-to/2202129/content). I'm not too keen on the murals painted on the walls of a forest and a graveyard, though; it makes it look a bit cartoonish, if you will, as if being too similar to Twisted Tales. Still, I'm holding my breath for this one to knock me off my feet the way Urgent Scare did in 2008.

It looks as if the Front Gate fountain area is receiving a new facade. Looks promising even though it's only a far away view. Any photos of it already or do I have to wait until I after this weekend for photos (I'm hoping to go next Friday)?

Of which has already happened before here at our very own park back in 2004. Some idiot guest lit a cigarette lighter in an attempt to manuever their way through ToT and lit up a massive chunk of burlap starting a fire. Thankfully, no one got hurt, and the portion of the maze in question, dubbed the Burlap Cave, was removed. The cage-like structure with all of the random junk inside (refrigerators, hubcaps, washing machines, etc) is where said Cave originally stood. I believe another small fire broke out in cornSTALKERS in '07, but I'm not too entirely certain on that.

The fact that I still see toddlers and kids under 10 at the Haunt (and people who very clearly can't handle being scared) mean that these two bullet points are pretty much null and void; I'm expecting the lone family to stroll into the Festhaus come October 1st (which is when the show actually debuts and NOT this weekend, for those who have forgotten) and be shocked and appalled at what they see in front of them. Or strangely mesmerized at the beauty of six midgets grappling with each other while having dollar bills stapled to their foreheads. It's like Club Blood meets the Freak Show!

People seem to be forgetting the fact that this is less of what Cedar Fair, as a company, is doing with the Haunt and more on what the individual PARK (ie: Kings Island) is doing. Aside from the former Paramount Parks getting a Club Blood for their Haunt in 2007, they've more or less been left alone to do whatever the heck they want to do. Hence why you'll see one Haunt receive a Doll Factory but another gets a Slaughterhouse or a Camp Killuae (or h/e you spell it). If Cedar Fair had full control over Haunt, we'd have the exact same lineup of houses that either Knott's Berry Farm or Cedar Point has.

.....so.....how 'bout them werewolves? Can't wait to go through Wolf Pack!

Well, Halloween and haunted houses in particular are all about the art of "the scare", and how to best master that "art". Blood and gore are supposed to be an afterthought when it comes to a haunted house; it's used more as shock value rather than it being the forefront of the maze (unless, of course, your maze is themed to a butcher shop). The main stars are the talent and and the maze's design. Talent is a no-brainer; have a crappy cast and your maze will suffer greatly. Maze design is something different, however. It's not about how much blood and gore is splattered around the maze. It's about fear of the unknown, and excellent use of misdirection, distractions, and the immediate surroundings. Why do you think Trail of Terror remains one of the most popular attractions at the Haunt? Is it because of the buckets of blood thrown onto every tree? No. It's because you're in THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS AT NIGHT. The fact that there is now a lit path weaving its way through the forest does very little to help those quell their fear of whatever it is that's hiding behind the darkness. ToT is a perfect example of how to do a maze right, along with Urgent Scare. US, while a very gore-soaked maze, utilizes the same techniques I mentioned earlier (misdirection, distraction, and immediate surroundings) to great effect. Curtains, medical equipment, seemingly-empty rooms, and that eerie music playing through the loudspeakers (along with the blood and gore) all work in harmony with each other to form a near-perfect Haunt attraction, one of the best ones they've ever done. Slaughterhouse, on the other hand.... ...yes, you can't escape the fact that a haunted house themed to a butcher shop will have blood and gore in it; it's essentially a law that there HAS to be gore in it. But the problem with KI's is that there's nothing to complement it to make it work. Everything's mismatched and convoluted and there is no sense of continuity within the maze to tell a cohesive story (other than the fact that it's a butcher shop manufacturing human meat). Why not have a scene with workers auctioning off humans to the highest bidder, and showing people in cages, making guests feel as if they're next to be auctioned (like Knott's Berry Farm)? What about separate rooms devoted to the different aspects of preparing and selling the meat, such as skinning, packaging, and shipping rooms (like Knott's Bery Farm)? Or a giant meat grinder creating huge strands of ground beef (like Knott's Berry Farm)? And even having a gift shop selling off the unwanted human remains, like individual bones or whole skeletons arranged into freakishly creative knick-knacks, or jars of your special barbecue sauce that will make that human meat you just purchased that much tastier (like Knott's Berry Farm)? I know there were live animals slated to be in the maze, and I congratulate them for trying to do something innovative with an attraction by doing that. However, like I said earlier, everything else needs to compliment that particular innovation, instead of everything taking a back seat to showcase that one thing and have the whole maze be a flop should that one innovation not be as great as expected or removed completely. So yeah, it's all about the art of the scare, and mastering that art. Some have got it down to an exact science or do it real well (Knott's Berry Farm, Uni Orlando, and the big-time pro haunts in the country), and some are either still learning it or are ignoring it/abusing it (Kings Island and some rookie haunts that believe blood and gore are what drive people to a haunted house). 'K, I'll shut up now.

I'll do you one better. Let's build a water dark ride themed to a gaggle of little blue people in white attire. Oh, wait...

I always had an idea for a dark ride themed to Around the World in Eighty Days, with the cars themed to hot air balloons. Think a hybrid between It's A Small World and Peter Pan's Flight (inverted cars traveling around the world), but with no singing children.

The way Tomb Raider was originally marketed, you would've been hard-pressed to believe it was a clone of Spider-Man. And, in all honesty, the fact that Busch Gardens Williamsburg has a 4-D dark ride means that it's open for almost any seasonal park to get one. Would it be feasible to get a technologically-groundbreaking ride put amongst a bunch of "carnie" rides and wooden coasters? Not really. But they really are some wicked rides. It's mainly because Hollywood kicked all the special effects artists out of the business in favor of computer-generated special effects. Those same special effect artists are now working with haunted house companies to create animatronics and props that rival that of Hollywood (unfortunately, some companies are also going the CGI route with Halloween props).