America's finest news source reporting new super long coaster:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/busch-gardens-unveils-new-9600milelong-endurance-c,36691/

The Onion = Screamscape.

The Onion = Screamscape.

It's posts like these that make me want a dislike button.

My apologies if the truth is disliked.

The Onion would not equal Screamscape.

The difference is that, The Onion is joking, while Screamscape, is, well, not.

The Onion would not equal Screamscape.

The difference is that, The Onion is joking, while Screamscape, is, well, not.

And The Onion is entertaining (in the good way).

But it looks like they're reusing part of King Cobra! I wonder if the rest is to go.

You can buy The Onion alongside normal newspapers in major cities such as Chicago.

There's a difference?

You can buy The Onion alongside normal newspapers in major cities such as Chicago.

I know you can pick up a copy free in Washington, DC. Or at least I did a few years ago, or I unknowingly committed a crime

I'm assuming this thing has thousands of LIM launches throughout it? I do love the course over the Middle Atlantic.

Even if this story was true and BG built such a thing, it STILL wouldn't satisfy 90% of the people on this site.

It's like Banshee and Beast combined!

I like the idea of the Staminator Junior that just goes in circles on a quarter mile track 15,000 times. It reminds me of NASCAR.

Don't get out of your car until so directed!

You can buy The Onion alongside normal newspapers in major cities such as Chicago.

You used to be able to until the end of last year. They ended it well. http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4441187

Nobody would ever ride this. 14 days without being able to use a cell phone is inhuman.

Nobody would ever ride this. 14 days without being able to use a cell phone is inhuman.

I think with the fact that food and medication is allowed, that cell phones would be too. People will need to change their catheters and check their blood sugar mid-ride for sure. How is that any less dangerous than talking on a cell phone?

I'd be more worried how you're going to charge your cell phone.

How did NAD Century Flyer headlights work?

(Some wag: "Not very well. That's why Kennywood's are now replaced by paint circles and Camden's only work about a week out of every dozen years)

Generators.

2 weeks on a Togo stand-up? No thanks.

How did NAD Century Flyer headlights work?

(Some wag: "Not very well. That's why Kennywood's are now replaced by paint circles and Camden's only work about a week out of every dozen years)

Generators.

Thunderbolt's paint circles are being (have been?) replaced this year with new lights. At last check, they had only finished updating the red train.